Why China?

I have visited China in the past on two different occasions. The first time was for two weeks during the summer of 2006. I was with my mom and one of my sisters and our purpose was to finish the adoption of my youngest brother and bring him home. I was also in China during July of 2007 for two weeks, volunteering with a group of students volunteering at New Day Foster Home.
The first trip allowed me to travel to three very different cities – Beijing, Guangzhou, and Nanchang – and enjoy the culture in each of them from a tourist’s perspective. I also had the opportunity to visit my brother’s orphanage. This was the first time I experienced firsthand the extreme poverty and need that China’s orphans face daily; the reality of the situation was devastating and Our Father used that moment to place in me a burden to make a difference in the lives of Chinese orphans. The second trip, I spent my time in a rural village about 45 minutes outside of Beijing, and was able to be more submersed into the culture, rather than watching it from an outsider’s perspective. Most of my time was spent caring for the orphans who lived in the Foster Home, and Our Father used this trip to reassure me that working with the orphans in China will continue to be a large part of my life.

This is part of a journal entry I wrote while I was in China last summer; this is the reason I’m going back.

These kids are capturing my heart in the worst way, in the best way possible. I want all of them to have families. I want their futures to be stable. And these are so few of the kids who are orphaned in this country. It makes me so sad to think about the millions who have uncertain futures. I wish that there were a way to help every one of them. I’m starting to think that I belong here. In China. Doing what though, I’m not sure. But my heart is here. And my heart, I think, is going to stay here. I’m leaving it in China so that I can come back again someday and find it. True faith is this – to look after orphans and widows in their distress, right? The love that I have for the kids here is overwhelming. It is a feeling that fills me up and burdens me. When I think about these kids, all I want to do is show them the love that I have for them. I want my love to be tangible. I don’t want it to be something imaginary or distant. I don’t see a point to that. So what do I do? Where is my life headed? Is this even My Father’s plan, or am I trying to tell myself it is? I have no idea. But I know I want to find out. This feeling is so entirely overwhelming, that I can’t imagine it to not be from My Father. It is just all too much.